


A Lancey Surprise

by Kittylock



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: False Alarm, M/M, Misunderstandings, sort of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 19:01:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16270406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittylock/pseuds/Kittylock
Summary: Lance finds out some big news he has to share with his voltron family.





	A Lancey Surprise

Lance is well known for his need for self-pampering. He likes to have some routine to help keep him sane because other than a galactic space war, there's actually not much to do in space.  
so he likes to start his day with a nice cool nutritional glass of milk to go with his space breakfast that Coran makes sure has all four necessary food groups that a growing defender of the universe needs: goop, slime, sludge, and slop. So, Lance is in Kalteneckers’ pen, visiting his favorite space bovine, getting some milk to go with his brecky. 

"Morning beautiful~" Lance greets warmly.

"Maaaooo"

Thought today he thinks she’s been a little moody. She’s been kind of off going on the last few weeks now. "Aww, what's wrong girl?" Lance coos a little worrying. His hand soothingly slides across her hide. 

He looks back when a presence makes itself known and sees Hamilton hovering behind him. He's an alien steer they found on a planet they visited quite a while ago when they took Kaltenecker to see a healer the equivalent to a space vet for a checkup when she was a little under the weather.  
One of the nearby farmers livestock that was also there seemed to have taken a liking to the cow and somehow snuck on the ship when they left without any of them noticing. The thing looked like a camel-boar had a baby with a hippo.

Keith was oddly endeared by it.

Lance and Hunk, when realizing the situation, they of course thought it was the cutest thing. The farmer let them keep the animal as a humble gift to Voltron that Allura had no option but to accept. Lance, thrilled, ended up naming him Hamilton, because of how helpless he was to their heffers charm. And he really loved that play.

"Hey buddy, don’t worry I’m sure our girls good." Lance reassures the worried Hamilton with a pat. When he brings his attention back to Kaltenecker, he sees that her utters are huge even despite Lance just spend the last 5 minutes milking her.  
Used to working at his grandparents’ farm most of his childhood Lance knows a thing or two about animals, and he can't find anything outwardly wrong besides her increase appetite and tiredness, Kaltnecker is a clean bill of health. Lances can’t help but be a bit concern though. He feels around her barrel and reaches behind her utters. The blue paladins’ eyes widen at what he finds.  
Oh. My. God.  
Lance jerks up from where he was sitting. Slightly startling the two livestock. The Cuban teen gives a quick half apology and speeds to the door, leaving the bucket behind as well as thoughts of breakfast from his mind and rushes off, urgent too find his teammates and Voltron family.

......................................................................................................................

The team of Voltron finds themselves, as they do most mornings, in the dining area enjoying breakfast, waiting for their wayward blue teammate who is usually the last to show.  
Though rarely boring, this time of day is always peaceful, after waking up and just before training, it's a time for them to relax, chat and still drowsy enough not to starts fights between certain blue and red paladins.

**BAM**

"GUYS! HOLY SHIT!"

Everyone startles at the sudden commotion, the quite broken as they all turn to an exuberant, slightly frazzled, Lance at the entrance he dramatically came through. Hand griping the sides as he pants like his holding himself up.

"Lance!?"

"what's wrong?"

"Geezus Lance!"

His friends’ words don't seem to resister with Lance, as the Cuban lurches to Keith. Who was the closest due to him being in the process of getting seconds, thus standing by the goo hose and placing him near the door before the blue paladin charged in like an extra in a soap-opera and latching on to him. Hands clamping on his shoulders before the red paladin could even really react.  
"WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!" is what Lance enthusiastically exclaims. His expression gushing in joy and happiness. Eyes shining pure blue.

The reaction is instant

Pidge spat out their drink and let out a high screech, hunk falls out of his chair, Shiro started choking and Allura's hands shot to her mouth.  
And Keith was doing his best impression of a statue. The only other time anyone saw him like this was when they were force to switch lion for a bit when Shiro was ...misplaced. 

Coran is the first to speak “Well!” he starts. His hands come together in a sharp clap “Congratulations you two! I didn’t even know you two where together! Or that your species could reproduce homosexually. You human keep on surprising me.”

“What?” Lance asks

Allura stands from her seat, the blue paladin turns to her at the movement  
“Lance, Keith. Though I’m happy for you two, you need to think about how your responsibilities as a paladin will…affect with this. I mean, in the middle of a war no less...” she trails off worrying her lip. 

Lance just stares at the space princess.

“Wait, Allura, that’s impos…it’s not…males don’t-can’t!” is Shiro’s poor attempt of human English after he finally stops dying of chocking, and is now is dying from trying to explain human reproduction to the two Alteans. And why two males can’t make babies.  
The other two paladins aren’t faring much better. One still on the floor and the other seeming unable to figure out how to react. Staring horrified at Keith and Lance, who still hasn’t taken his hands off the raven’s shoulders.

“I could have lived a perfectly happy life without ever knowing you guys did ‘it'” Pidge grosses out in what seems like in pain. 

Lance is by this point completely and utterly confused by his teams’ reactions. His head tilts, as if that will help comprehend what the cheese everyone is talking about.  
Finely the meaning of Pidges words hit hard, and soon the blue paladin becomes the red paladin again.

He squawks and jumps away, hands falling from Keiths’ shoulders.

“Oh My GOD! No! No! That’s so not what I meant!” He yells

“You’re the one coming in here screaming you’re pregnant!” is shouted back. 

Gods, the embarrassment. This is almost worst then the time on one of their trips to one of the swap moon space malls, where he completely unknowingly wanders in an alien sex shop. Course he didn’t know that at the time. He was so existed about buying what he assumed was a ‘back massage’ that he had to showed everyone. It didn’t help how he kept going on about he was going to use it on all his spare time, using it on the others if they wanted, how it reaches deep, and how he hopes he wouldn’t use up all the batteries too fast. Keith tried to suffocate himself after that for some reason. 

Lance viciously shake his head so fast some might fear his head might come off.

“KALTENECKAR! Kaltenecker is pregnant. NOT me! Cheesezus.” There’s a moment of silences, everybody just processing staring, then…

“Hold On” Allura finally finds her voice. “Your… cow…is the one with child?” She finishes. Expression unreadable  
“YES!” Lance states, letting out a breath. “Kalt and Hamilton must have got closer than I thought”  
“oh my gosh, cafes~!” Hunk chimes. He has pick himself off the floor it looks like and is back in his seat.  
Lance nods, small smile coming to his face as a bit of the previous joy comes back.  
“…Then why couldn’t you have started with that!?” Pidge says loudly.  
“I was just existed Okay!” retorts Lance.  
“Lance, it’s fine. I’m happy for your cow, but we talked about how your words can sometime be interpreted and to be careful on how it can affect not just you.” Shiro calmly interject. His tone a little reproachfully, if not a little amused. 

“Yeah, just think about poor Keith” Pidge adds her last two cents.  
“What? Keith understands I didn’t mean that, it’s fine, right Keith?”

No answer comes.

“Keith?” Lance finally turns back to the swordsmen and realizes that Keith never really reacted or said anything at all during the whole convocation going on.  
“Keith? Buddy? Help me out here” Lance pleads through his teeth. But Keith is still as can be. He hasn’t even moved a single inch since Lance came in, and now that the blue paladin looks closer, his friend seems pale. like paler than usual.

And then, without another moments notice, Keith’s eyes roll back in his head. He crumbles into himself. And there, the toughest, hothead, danger finding red paladin, has fainted. Passed out on the floor.


End file.
